As my incredible string of dumb luck would have it, I've been hired as Tony's Paris "fixer" for his new top-secret show - shooting here next week. A fixer is the production company's term - it's an old-fashioned appellation for someone who hooks up hookers and johns - I'll make no speculations as to who's whom here. I will reveal details as allowed. Ducasse, Adria, Bourdain. Someone pinch me. Really.